Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
