So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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