do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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