i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
