All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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