If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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