I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
