I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
