no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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