I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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