There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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