You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize