I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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