can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
