Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
