I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize