I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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