Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
