Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
