If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
