I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
