The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
