I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dignity is for republicans.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize