You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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