A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
