3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
