It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You were trust falling into bushes
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
