It's Friday. Sex?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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