i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
