I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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