I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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