shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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