"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
