Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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