I skipped work to stalk him.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
