Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my poor anus
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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