She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
