Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
