I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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