Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
