Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
