Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
