I've blown a few things in my day
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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