She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
