he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
