Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
