well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
