I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
