Nicole vs. Life
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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