your parents love me but you hate me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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