im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
