Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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