I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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