Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
