So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
