Where is the hickey?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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