Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
