You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
