if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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