Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
