We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He shit in the fireplace
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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