so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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