I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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