That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize