were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
