allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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