At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize