I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
