I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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