yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
