The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize