Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i dont even know how to be here
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize