Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
