I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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