He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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