If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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