Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize