dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
