1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
