i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
