Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
