yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
