if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize