yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm passing your future prison.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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