i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
