i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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