just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
