i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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