OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
