sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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