My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
