I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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