I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He felt like a one man threesome
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
