At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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