Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
