I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
