while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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