Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This baby is an asshole
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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