We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We have started to decorate penises.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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