I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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